Thursday, 29 March 2012


When I first wake up in the morning I usually look, and feel, my worst. If I were to see myself the way others would see me I'm sure I would scare myself to near death. And the thoughts that go through my head (!!!): grumble, grumble, grumble; this or that aches, I'm too cold, I'm too hot, I've gotta do __________ (before leaving for work)...and this morning was no different. It is so much a part of my morning "me" that I don't even notice it. This morning, I was made very aware of it.

When I got up this morning, it was the usual.

Thoughts that jumble in my brain:

1. about something that has been a thorn at my side at work

2. the thoughts meander to the fact that I don't have a joyful demeanor, and  I  think on that, that people should see me endure things better than I do, that I shouldn't be so grumpy. One day last week one of the girls (my daughter's age, well a little younger actually) told me "You shouldn't be so mean"....really? Me? Mean? I kinda blew it off because I really couldn't see it.

3. so my thoughts, still sorting through this stuff and trying to justify myself, thought "well when tshtf I will have been exercised and strengthened by all the B.S. enough so that when others are terrified I will be at peace, maybe even joyful"

and then this thought entered into my thoughts (believe me when I say that I know my thoughts in the morning and they do not reflect that which entered into them, to my sorrow and shame, and I pray that the Lord will continue to work with me on that):


That appears only once in the Bible. It occurs when the book of the law is read to the people, and they cry because of their conviction of their errors and sins, and Nehemiah tells them not to cry:

 Neh 8:8  So they read in the book in the law of God distinctly, and gave the sense, and caused them to understand the reading.
Neh 8:9  And Nehemiah, which is the Tirshatha, and Ezra the priest the scribe, and the Levites that taught the people, said unto all the people, This day is holy unto the LORD your God; mourn not, nor weep. For all the people wept, when they heard the words of the law.
Neh 8:10  Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; 
 for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

I don't believe the Lord wants us to be fake "Pollyannas" who put on a happy face to pretend everything is wonderful, all-the-while pushing down our anger, despair, hopelessness, etc. I believe He wants us to have His joy that is in Him truly, a joy that is founded on Him and strengthened by Him.

I only get little glimpses of that joy. I think the main reason for this  is because of the fact that I often forget to count my blessings and to be grateful for what He has done and continues to do for me.

The last few days I've been reading a little book (which I got from Ebay when I purchased a whole box full of books for about $60 dollars a couple of years ago, what a treasure of books I received!!!) entitled: "Bar Mitzvah Treasury: The Jewish Heritage as Set Down in Story, Legend & Essay". Each short chapter is simply delightful. The chapter that is titled "Eleazar of Mayence Leaves a Will" is wonderful, full of excellent advice that I need to prayerfully ask the Lord to help me incorporate these valuable gems into my every day life.

I hope to later give some excerpts from this wonderful will...or if anyone has more information about the ethical will of Eleazar of Mayence, (a link to this would be wonderful!) please do share!


  1. I would love to see some excerpts:)

    I am usually best in the morning, but tend toward meanness at even'. Maybe there's a spiritual lesson in that for me..hmmmmm?

    1. I found this about the will of Eleazar, but it is a little different from the one in my book, I like the way it is written in my book much better:

  2. What is so wonderful is how gentle He is in His chastising me...I think on how rough I can be when I say something critical of what I find wrong with....whatever....and then see how He deals with me, so generously, so mercifully, so gracefully, so patiently, everything He is I am not, I find so lacking in myself. I want more of Him and less of me.

  3. Great post Susan! To be honest, I was a bit surprised to read that you do not often feel joyful - you seem to be quite a joyful soul to me. At any rate, I think that your remarks on the nature of Godly joy are right on target. I also enjoyed the passage from Nehemiah. I look forward to reading more about this Eleazar fellow.

    I am now coming out of a longer period of depression and anxiety. One thing that I have learned is that I need to actively cultivate joy. As you may have gathered, I have a tendency to think things to death, and while that would be fine and dandy if I were analyzing pleasant things, the unfortunate truth is that I spend too much time thinking about problems in the church, society, etc. I have learned that this isn't healthy. It's fine to think about serious and challenging things, but we need to take regular breaks from this. We need to remind ourselves of all God's blessings, and of all that is going well in the world, and encourage ourselves to focus on the positive more often. Yes, joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit, but we should try to cultivate it actively. I My wife tells me that chocolate helps. I am beginning to see the wisdom in that.

    I hope that your work situation improves soon!

    1. Chocolate! :D

      Actually I did get some sweets at the grocey store last night, but natural sweets in the way of dried figs, dates, and pitted prunes :) yummy and good for the lower intestinal tract :oP

      I'm not thankful enough, and need to confess that fact often, that and to remember my favorite verse in the Bible: Romans 8:28 :-)

    2. Chocolate covered raisins would be a good:)

    3. Raisinettes! Used to eat those alot! When I worked in a healthfood store I was always eating carob covered raisins! :P


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