The past couple of months....well, actually, the past couple of years, have been difficult and challenging for me. It seems to have intensified for me in the recent weeks, and true, I may be bringing alot of this onto myself still a sinner, saved by God's mercy and grace.
Yesterdays post included many scripture passages which spoke about the topic of prayer, and although I bolded some of the words, I didn't add any of my own thoughts to it, mainly because my thoughts have been especially difficult to communicate lately. There's more that I can say about that but I'll say it with this:
Jer 20:9 Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.
Jer 20:10 For I heard the defaming of many, fear on every side. Report, say they, and we will report it. All my familiars watched for my halting, saying, Peradventure he will be enticed, and we shall prevail against him, and we shall take our revenge on him.
I fully feel these words.
So last night I was thinking about a couple of people in my life with whom things came to an ugly head, and the headache that was pounding ever more painful in my head (have had a headache since Friday morning, today it's much better, thank the Lord!) also brought to my mind someone dear to me who is suffering from brain cancer and the pain she must be going through. Then there was a darkness so thick that it was darker than the room, like a light had turned off inside my head, a darkness you can feel, oppressive and thick. As it encompassed me the thought: "be prepared to die". I was a little frightened at first, and then remembered the verse that I was studying in an article yesterday:
1Th 5:4 But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief.
1Th 5:5 Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.
Even though I sensed darkness all around me, I know I am not "of darkness", it can surround me but not overtake me. Then it passed.
This morning, I wanted to do something, to continue conversations with two persons that are primary sources of difficulty right now...persons that have made it known to me that they want nothing to do with me...and I still want to "fix" the situations myself. Sigh. And I had determined that I would attempt to continue to try....and the thought: SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU stopped me....(both situations involve women and this counsel would apply to each one) and I stopped to think...and remembered to pray for my "enemies"...
and
Mat 5:2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
Mat 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Mat 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Mat 5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Mat 5:6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Mat 5:7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Mat 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Mat 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Mat 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Mat 5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Mat 5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
I'm not saying that I didn't deserve rebuking, I probably failed the "speak the truth IN LOVE" admonition, miserably...so I kept trying to clarify with "what I meant was.."...and although true, of course it didn't work, sigh, but only made each one respectively, angrier. Yeah. However, there it is....so pray....trying to sit on my hands to prevent my doing what I want to do, which doing would only pick at the wound. They have kicked me out of their town, so to speak:
Mat 10:14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
Not to kick sand in their face, but to shake it off, so I don't continue to carry my hurt, my disappointment, my anger, or any other ugly things that can be clinging to me that would effect my walk, to shake it off, and then move on....let it GO....ok, definitely need the Lord's help with that one, lol. I can be like a pit bull when it comes to letting things go. Sheesh.
So I'm praying for "my enemies" that the Lord will reveal Himself to them in their hurting, and that they may come to fully know the true grace and mercy that flows from His throne, that they may
the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in [them] (2 Thes 1:12)
Yesterdays post included many scripture passages which spoke about the topic of prayer, and although I bolded some of the words, I didn't add any of my own thoughts to it, mainly because my thoughts have been especially difficult to communicate lately. There's more that I can say about that but I'll say it with this:
Jer 20:9 Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.
Jer 20:10 For I heard the defaming of many, fear on every side. Report, say they, and we will report it. All my familiars watched for my halting, saying, Peradventure he will be enticed, and we shall prevail against him, and we shall take our revenge on him.
I fully feel these words.
So last night I was thinking about a couple of people in my life with whom things came to an ugly head, and the headache that was pounding ever more painful in my head (have had a headache since Friday morning, today it's much better, thank the Lord!) also brought to my mind someone dear to me who is suffering from brain cancer and the pain she must be going through. Then there was a darkness so thick that it was darker than the room, like a light had turned off inside my head, a darkness you can feel, oppressive and thick. As it encompassed me the thought: "be prepared to die". I was a little frightened at first, and then remembered the verse that I was studying in an article yesterday:
1Th 5:4 But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief.
1Th 5:5 Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.
Even though I sensed darkness all around me, I know I am not "of darkness", it can surround me but not overtake me. Then it passed.
This morning, I wanted to do something, to continue conversations with two persons that are primary sources of difficulty right now...persons that have made it known to me that they want nothing to do with me...and I still want to "fix" the situations myself. Sigh. And I had determined that I would attempt to continue to try....and the thought: SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU stopped me....(both situations involve women and this counsel would apply to each one) and I stopped to think...and remembered to pray for my "enemies"...
and
Mat 5:2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
Mat 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Mat 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Mat 5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Mat 5:6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Mat 5:7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Mat 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Mat 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Mat 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Mat 5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Mat 5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
I'm not saying that I didn't deserve rebuking, I probably failed the "speak the truth IN LOVE" admonition, miserably...so I kept trying to clarify with "what I meant was.."...and although true, of course it didn't work, sigh, but only made each one respectively, angrier. Yeah. However, there it is....so pray....trying to sit on my hands to prevent my doing what I want to do, which doing would only pick at the wound. They have kicked me out of their town, so to speak:
Mat 10:14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
Not to kick sand in their face, but to shake it off, so I don't continue to carry my hurt, my disappointment, my anger, or any other ugly things that can be clinging to me that would effect my walk, to shake it off, and then move on....let it GO....ok, definitely need the Lord's help with that one, lol. I can be like a pit bull when it comes to letting things go. Sheesh.
So I'm praying for "my enemies" that the Lord will reveal Himself to them in their hurting, and that they may come to fully know the true grace and mercy that flows from His throne, that they may
be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding (Col 1:9)
and thatthe name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in [them] (2 Thes 1:12)
......and leave those requests with Him, to be fulfilled as He sees fit, in HIS time and HIS way, not mine. :)
Dear Susan, I am sorry for your troubles and will pray for you. Please know that sometimes one must distance themselves from others when the relationship is deteriorating in order to have peace and clarity. Also, you can be hopeful that during the time of separation, the good Lord will be at work in their heart and might mend the relationship in the future.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Friend for Live, truly words of wisdom the Lord is teaching me...the hard way...seems sometimes that's the only way I learn it :(
DeleteLeaving it with Him is hard. I know I think what is the best way to handle things.
ReplyDeleteLike I told you, there are situations I want resolved NOW! But, as I pray and petition I don't see the answer yet.
But I CAN pray, as you are, for my "enemies" real or perceived (by me). We can petition the Lord to open their hearts, soften them toward Him and be reconciled to God and their fellow man.
Hi Ma,
DeleteYeah, it's hard...yesterday told Ken about it, and said to him: "I don't usually like the quote "Let go and let God" but it applies in this situation" (reminding me of Ecclesiastes "time for everything")
and he said: "ok, you going to remember that?"
sheesh, he knows me too well.
Hi Susan,
ReplyDeleteI was sad to read this post. I will pray for you. I know that several other people have already stressed the importance of leaving things in the hands of God. I would also remind you of the importance of patience. Like many Christians, I have a very difficult time with patience. In fact, I would often get irritated at preachers for giving sermons on patience. They always made it sound so easy, but it wasn't easy. Well, I'm sure that they knew that it wasn't easy, and I now realize that I probably misunderstood their sermons. The way that I would put the point of their sermons now would be this: God rarely acts instantaneously, but that does not mean that He isn't acting at all. I now see the truth of this, and it is a great help to me. When I think of all the things that I am struggling with, I remember that just because God hasn't already fixed them completely, this doesn't mean that He is absent, that He isn't listening, that He isn't at work, and that He won't accomplish what I ask for. Quite the contrary, I have every reason to expect that He is present, listening, already acting, and that He will accomplish all that I ask for and more. But it won't happen just yet. And here is the important point - patience isn't a feeling of resignation, a feeling of giving in and accepting that I am stuck with my problems, as I previously thought. That's not patience - it's plain surrender, giving up on oneself, the world, and God. Rather, patience is the conviction that God is with us, but that His help unfolds in time, and that it doesn't always come all at once. It is a conviction that God is with us, and cares for us, and will make all things right, even if not just yet. This is the opposite of surrender. And this can help us bear with suffering in the present. It can help us hold on just a bit longer.
I don't know the details of the situations concerning the two women whom you mentioned, so I can't really say more than this. Just remember - God heals all wounds, but not always in an instant. Often, it takes some time. In the meantime, turning to God for love and support, and also to one's loved ones here on earth, can be a big comfort. Don't carry the burden alone.
God bless,
Les
Thank you :) Patience is a real big problem for me too, and something Jesus has been doing some considerable work in me on...and it is so different from the way I thought I was becoming more spiritual when I was in NAM many years ago. Mysticism works on the appearance of holiness, where true Christianity is a work of the Holy Spirit and is not us going through the motions, so it is breaking me from doing things my way, and leading me to trust that Jesus is indeed in charge, and is doing the things, that I need to leave in His care, because I can only make a bigger mess by trying to do it my way.
DeleteThis is a real tough one for me.