Last night was an especially dark night for me at work.... in fact, the whole weekend was horrible. There's an individual that I've had trouble with which the Lord has been working with me on (I mention it here ). And I know that she (and a couple of others) have turned the story around and have told the newbies at work false c**p about me. So yeah, I pray about it, but every day I dread going to work. This weekend brought this situation to a head for me. I felt trapped in a really bad situation, and it feels like the new people fresh out of xray school (one is slightly older than my oldest granddaughter) treat me like I don't know the first thing about my job, and are telling me what to do like they are the senior techs. ARE you K-I-D-D-I-N-G me? Really?
Last night on the way home from work, I was still a bit bothered by the situation. When I was getting ready for bed, I was muttering my frustration to the Lord by saying "I know how I'm SUPPOSED to be, but that isn't me. I can pretend to be above all of that, but honestly I'm being crushed under it. Please help me be the person I'm supposed to be. Please help me bear this burden in a way that honors You."
I awoke this morning to the thought of Joseph.... no details, just "Remember Joseph"... so I thought about Joseph. Joseph was treated terribly by his brothers, and sent into slavery. But God blessed him and he found a good job working for a wealthy Egyptian. He had everything going for him, but the wife of the wealthy Egyptian had it out for him. She lied about him to her husband to cover herself (boy can I relate to this situation) and he ended up getting sent to prison (dungeons in those days, which I'm sure make the prisons of today seem luxurious in comparison). Joseph suffered for years under that burden, but he made the best of it, and the Lord blessed him for it....but he endured many years of darkness in an Egyptian prison system before being elevated out of that situation.Every time things got bad for Joseph, it turned out for good, but then would become something even worse than before, which would then turn out for good, and again become EVEN WORSE....and then ultimately after MUCH SUFFERING, it turned out excellent....I think I'm in the EVEN WORSE phase so the MUCH SUFFERING part is still to come....sigh....
AND, yesterday, when I was reading the book of Amos during my lunch break, I came across this:
"the prudent shall keep silence in that time; for it [is] an evil time" Amos 5:13
Up to this point in time, I haven't been prudent, and haven't suffered this very silently. I have been bitter about what has happened to me there, and am constantly trying to watch my back around "certain people", and that list keeps growing there.
"Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This [is] the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts." Zechariah 4:6
The Truth does set me free.
Ahh, how I relate to this Susan.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of situations with having to stay silent with my loved ones who just will not listen to good advise that is not good to their ears.
So I have had to swallow real hard many times and say nothing! It is difficult to know sometimes if we will ever be allowed to tell it like it is. And then wonder why we are allowed to know things that are just rejected!
I think the time will come for some of the witness we have been given to be heard, God is faithful & readies us for those. Meanwhile it gets so lonely to not be able to communicate what we know would be for their good!
I too have learned that I am just going to have to wait for my times to be the mouth to say it like it really is. Thank the Lord for your blogs and your clear voice, it encourages me.:)
I'm sorry this situation is so yucky right now. We are being tried, tested, salted. I'll be praying for you sis:)
ReplyDeleteI look back and think of some of the hell on earth I and others have been through and see that it is all a refining.
Think of what Joseph ended up with!
Hi Musemater
ReplyDeleteYep, I have a family situation right now too...sigh...and it is soooooo difficult for me to keep my mouth shut! I always want to get in the last word...groan...
Hi Ma,
I was looking online for any rad tech jobs in Michigan because I was THAT fed up...but a woman who works in the CAT scanner (I'll call her Ann) had a few words of wisdom and told me about her other job where she works part time and how one of the newer techs there confided that she was pleasantly surprised to find out she is nothing like what people had told her. They had told her that Ann was mean and untrustworthy and will backstab anyone she can turning them in for the least little thing to management. Ann suspected those things were being said about her, and now it's been confirmed to her. But, she told me, it isn't going to change the fact that she can still do good work, and she isn't at work to make friends. "If other people have a problem with that", she said, "it is their problem, and not mine."
True. :)