The Pain in Looking Back

 

The end of the year had me reassessing...not just 2011, but looking further back, looking back on regrets and mistakes, and sins....alot of regrets, alot of shame. I don't really like looking back because it is painful for me to do so, and I feel there are still lots of unresolved hurts that I am responsible for and haven't ... resolved. I know the truth is that Jesus did pay a tremendous price for me....once something is done, it can never be undone, just like a word that has been spoken can never be unspoken. There can be (and thankfully, there is) forgiveness....but the pain and the consequences of past troubles follow me still.

I think about Adam and Eve, the very first ones to make a terrible choice, to feel the guilt and the shame of it, and to have all the future generations paying for it, the price of submitting to satan. I think of them being cast out of the most beautiful garden we could ever imagine, into a cold harsh world where the ground needs to be tilled and weeds want to choke out your flowers and vegetables, and of having one son murder the other. The grief and the pain, and the sorrow they must have felt for those 900+ years of their mortality....but they had joys also. They had many other children, and the promise of the One who would come that would set all of creation straight again.

I cannot undo what I've done...that train left the station long ago, and I cannot go back and redo. If I could, I would be able to give myself the credit for righting myself and being my own savior. I cannot, but God told me He can do what I cannot. He can, through His forgiveness and healing, right all of my wrongs, and cross out the death sentence that is written against me, with His blood. He can take me in His arms, and love me, though my sins are like scarlet. He isn't ashamed of me, although I am so ashamed about the truth about me.

DebbieLynne brought up her thankfulness to Jesus, and she reminded me that the best way to thank Jesus is to tell others how thankful I am for what He has done for me. Is there a better way to say thank you to Jesus than to tell others that I am thankful of Him?

This is my New Years resolution, and my prayer:

That I will be a better listener

and

that I will tell others of the good things Jesus has done for me personally

and that I am truly thankful

Mat 11:28  Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.